i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
