My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
