Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
