Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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