so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
