is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
