i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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