dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
