It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
