he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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