i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
