I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
