This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
