You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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