sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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