I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
