I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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