have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
