my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
