Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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