i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
40s are totally the cure
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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