i'm signing you up for texting rehab
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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