this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
