Where is the hickey?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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