my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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