if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
