i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
