he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
