My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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