i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
