Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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