and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
