Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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