1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
