The best revenge is premature balding
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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