Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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