I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
