Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
