Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
