I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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