i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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