Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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