you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We are two peas in an std pod
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
