so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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