You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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