I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
