i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
