you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
