I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Green mimosas i think yes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
