I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's the barista slut.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
