I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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