Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
