im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
