They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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