Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
