I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
