my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Of course I have a pirate flag
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
