I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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