i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
