Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
