i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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