So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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