I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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