If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
