omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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