she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
