Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
