there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
