SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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