apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
