careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
