hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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