CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
