well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
