I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
