I need help removing her.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
